yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
