Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
