Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
