i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
