Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You can't just leave with hair like that
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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