Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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