If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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