Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
zippers are such a cool invention
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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