I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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