Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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