He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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