she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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