she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
