And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
