Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
