just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
