Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
