I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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