I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
