Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
BRING THE BAGELS
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
