your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize