3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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