i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
