So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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