Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
