sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
