My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
