Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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