Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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