Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
