It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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