Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
