people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
