So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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