I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
