Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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