I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
