ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
