I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
