i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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