He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
