the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
