But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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