If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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