Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
