around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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