she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
