just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
