why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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