a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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