you guys were way drunker than both of me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
