the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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