Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize