At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
