I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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