dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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