wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
