My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
