new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
