i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
