just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
