No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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