I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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