wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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