so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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