what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
