The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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