it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
