So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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