Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
