They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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