i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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