You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
