Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
