That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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