Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
