Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
