you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
